“Wild & free” five week series

“I don’t want to face this day” was the first thought that ran through my mind this morning. With not a single thing on the schedule but a list of personal “to-do’s” this negative thought first thing in the morning felt all too familiar. My body naturally woke me up at 8:30 but I managed to lay there for another hour and a half scrolling through my phone, and attempting to avoid the anxious thoughts that made way to my mind. Around 10, I finally scrambled my way out of bed and robotically walked my way to the kitchen to fill my body with the caffeine that I secretly hoped would awaken my heart and give me the energy to make today a productive one. The pressure to be productive but the reality of wanting to avoid it all only made me feel worse about myself. Why am I sharing this? Because I find that being openly vulnerable and not being afraid to paint the ugly parts of our hearts, is powerful. And in doing that, we can regroup and find practical ways to live the kind of life, and become the kind of people we’ve always wanted to be.  

This week I have made an larger than normal attempt to be aware of my thoughts through a day by day online course I’ve been taking with several other women. Last night, our “homework” was to be observant of our thoughts without judging them. This exercise made it extremely prevalent that the way I live my life, the negative thoughts that cloud my head, the moments where I’m so unbelievably hard on myself that it leaves me feeling paralyzed and unable to do anything– all of this stems from one thing– fear.

Each of us have different fears. Mine is that I won’t succeed in finding my life’s purpose and in the end disappointing the people I love most and more importantly, myself.

This big fear, that entails a lot of stuff, leads me to fall into the trap of negative thinking. Of wanting to avoid life. Of feeling scared and unsure.

So today as I woke up, scrambling to put together a list of things, and organizing my cluttered room that very much resembled my heart and head- I decided to go to the gym and listen to music that inspires me. Through my life, I grew up in the dance studio choreographing and perfecting pieces that I would perform with my team or individually. I find myself most relaxed when I’m listen to music that speaks to my heart and begin choreographing dance pieces. Dance, and music have always been an outlet that lets me get away from the heavy pressure I put on myself. By the end of my workout, I had a good solid 4 pieces to start choreographing to and that’s when I remembered a lesson that’s so important– life is too short to not live a wild and free kind of life.

I realized how quickly my day changed and how it was no longer a day of anxiously wanting to avoid responsibility or face working on the goals that I have– but instead I felt empowered. Like for the first time in a hot minute, I was taking care of the one thing that matters most- my soul.

Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe your head feels just as cluttered or maybe you don’t know what your heart wants you to do. Maybe you’re holding on to the past and reliving it, or maybe you’re struggling with not feeling adequate enough.

I know. I’ve been there. That has been such a large part of my life story, and as hard as it is to be open and vulnerable publicly, I started this blog so that others know they are not alone.

Practically, how do we get from where we are to where we want to be? How to do we overcome our fear to live in freedom? These are the questions I’ve been asking myself and others- and these are the answers that I’m seeking. I invite you to tag along.

I am starting a five week series called “Wild & Free.” Each Saturday morning, I will post a “challenge” for myself to focus on for the next week. I’ll be writing about that challenge; how it affected my day to day, and the positives or negatives that it brought. These are my personal challenges, so if you don’t relate to one that’s okay. You can tailor your challenge to your personal needs.

In these next five weeks, the goal is not to put pressure on yourself to “get the challenge right” but instead to inspire you to make a practical change, that will in time help you to live the life your heart truly desires. To live a life that is physically, spiritually, and emotionally wild and free.

I don’t know what will come of this- like I said I literally came up with this today. It’s not something that I have a detailed plan for (although I’m working on that!). I invite you to join me, or just simply follow along. After-all, facing our challenges together is what life is really about.

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