What I Owe To Myself in 2017

“New year, new me”.. you know how it goes. Within hours, we’ll have people celebrating a new year. A new start. People will flock to the gym, resolutions will be made, the whole shabang. 

2016 was one big roller coaster ride where many milestones were crossed. I graduated from college. I moved across the country. I started my first job. I finally decided to begin this blog (yay!). 

But with all good things comes hardships. And 2016 had it’s fair share. It’s the year I felt most unsure about what was ahead, and filled with a lot of heartbreak moments. I had the most questions throught this year, digging deep into understanding who I am: what makes me click, what makes me frustrated, what makes me overwhelmed & what my passions are. I spent a lot of this year focused on a goal that did not happen. I planned for the year ahead, crossed my t’s and dotted my i’s. 2016 is when I realized you can plan & plan & plan for something, and it still might not happen.

God will take you the direction he wants you to go, if you let him. 2016 is the first time I trusted the Lord without knowing what was in front of me, but in turn, realizing that He knew where he wanted me to be. I look back on my original “plan” and laugh. There is no way I would have been happy had my plan aligned. My plan was safe. My plan was expected. My plan was straight up boring. 

2016 is where I learned I had finally reached a point in my life where I was happy with myself. I didnt need another person to fill a void. There no longer was one. Yes, I had questions about what my future would look like, but I have finally reached a point in my life where I am 100% proud of who I am, because I’ve worked hard to get here. 

I look at 2017 with childlike excitement, because of how I lived 2016. I trusted my heart this year. I blocked out people that belittled me, and I protected myself from that. I surrounded myself with people who only lifted me up. I put one foot infront of the other, and if I ever took a step back (and trust me, I did) I recovered by getting back up and starting again. I let myself have a bad day if I needed it (with Chik-fil-a ice cream on hand) but I didnt stay there in that moment, I felt what I needed to feel & kept going. 

I know what it’s like to be in a bad place in your life. If there’s one thing my college years taught me, it’s that everyone is fighting their own battle. Everyone. I turn on the news & see hurt, heartbreak & tragedy everyday. Life is not always fair. & it doesn’t always make sense. But, in the hardships and hustle of our day-to-days, it’s truly beautiful if we allow ourselves to see the beauty in it. If you’re in a bad place, if this year totally wiped you out. If you feel stuck or unsure, hurt or heartbroken, then do this: feel what you need to feel, and then keep going. One foot in front of the other. Day by day. Moment by moment. Take the time to get to know yourself in this new year. To spend time with yourself. To not allow distractions to take you away from knowing who you are & what you want out of life. 

My goals in 2017 are big goals. I’m preparing myself to further achieve and become the kind of woman I’ve always wanted to be. I will not live in fear. I will not care about other’s opinions of me. I will not subject myself to people and situations that drain my soul. 

I’m prepared to achieve big goals, but I also know that if I dont achieve one thing, I am more than qualified for the next. 2016 taught me that, to always have hope and trust for something better. That God’s plan is greater than my own, and life’s rejections are His blessings in disguise. I look back this New Years Eve being so thankful for them now, because my life would not look the way it is had I received the original plan I mapped out myself.

I begin this new year with a clean slate, forgiving myself of all the “stuff” that happened in 2016 and striving to be better, to trust deeper, to love harder. 

My hope for you is you’ll join me in that. You’ll leave behind what needs to be left & begin again. 

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