Week 2: To the one Who was blindsided

31/01/2018
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Last week I started the “to the one” series and I have to be honest- I was floored by the response. I get shy about certain topics, and when I put more “personal” ones out there, I just kinda assume I’m only talking to my sister and mom. It really touched my heart to read your messages. I got messages from women who just opened up and told me their situations and I feel really honored that you guys feel comfortable enough to trust me with such personal information. It kept me inspired to keep going, despite the discomfort.

Here’s the series list. If you missed last week’s- you can click on it below to read! 

Week 1: To the one who is in the wrong relationship 
Week 2: To the one who was blindsided 
Week 3: To the one who is still holding on to the past 
Week 4: To the one who is afraid to be alone 

To the one who was blindsided,

​If there’s one thing I really value, it’s transparency. In relationships, communication and having a mutual respect for one another is everything. And it really freaking sucks when neither of those basic things can be delivered. 

I have to be honest in saying that out of all the topics, this one is by far the hardest to write. My heart is pounding and a glass of rose’ is in hand, because being blindsided is a feeling that I’m all too familiar with and it’s a struggle to relive.

There’s nothing worse than questioning if the relationship you were in was genuine. If the real moments were real, and if the person you knew is even that person. Could my judgement have been that off? 

I know what it feels like to have the rug pulled out from under you. It’s a slap in the face, and no matter how much it sucks, it’s up to us to decide how we want to handle it going forward. 

I don’t know your exact situation. Whether you were cheated on, lied to or maybe both, but I do know the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you allow someone to be so close into your life only to later feel betrayed and blindsided. 

As I look back, the hardest part for me wasn’t getting over the person himself, but instead getting past the situation and how it played out. It’s so easy to let those emotions turn into anger and bitterness, and trust me- I had plenty of days where it did. But learning how to direct that energy into bettering yourself is the only way to heal.   

I guess the best way to describe the healing process, is that it’s a roller coaster. 

When you’re blindsided, it’s easy to want to blame yourself and feel humiliated. I mean, how could you have not picked up the signs? Or why would you be silly enough to believe that this person actually cared? Or… I could go on. But the thing I’ve learned the most in experiencing this, is that being blindsided by someone is NOT a reflection on you, but a reflection on them. Stop blaming yourself, because communication goes both ways. And if you simply didn’t know, then how could you have possibly reacted any different? 

Now here’s the most important part. When we care about someone, we want to keep the peace, eventually be friends, civil, or still be in the distant “know” of their lives. It’s a weird feeling to have someone be such a close part in your life, to then have absolutely nothing, but in these cases “nothing” is what is best. They’ve left you to deal with the mess, and now its your time to heal, live your life, and come out better and stronger.

They don’t get to be a part of that healing process or post-healing process, ever. 

I used to believe that closure in a relationship meant having a long conversation with the other person and mutually deciding that each other has both reached “closure.” But what I’ve learned from finding true closure is that it never results from anything to do with the other person. There is nothing they can ever say or do that will make you close the chapter. You only get closure from within yourself. Sometimes that means saying nothing and cutting that person out of your life. You’re allowed to have that be your closure. And eventually, you’ll let go of the anger and the bitterness & all the in-between, because it only hurts you more to hold on to it. 

Okay, breathing out now. It’s one was a harder topic for me, but I hope it related to someone. 

You’re strong enough to get through any hurt or heartbreak. I believe in you. 

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